Conquering Envy: Strategies for Overcoming Comparison and Achieving Personal Growth 

“Mako nyinaa mpetu mmre”. — This Akan aphorism translates as “pepper from the same plant does not ripen simultaneously.’

You will find both ripe and unripe pepper on the same stalk of the same pepper plant. They will all ripen eventually if becoming red indicates maturity. Not all pepper species exhibit the red colouration that signifies harvest readiness. Therefore, there is no need to compare because there is a season for everything.

Let me share a story

Two years ago, during a casual lunch date with a friend, she openly expressed her envy towards some of her high school classmates. What triggered her were the medical school graduation pictures her classmates had posted on social media a few days earlier. She had already completed university, fulfilled her national service obligation, and embarked on her first employment.

Curiously, I asked her, “Did you ever aspire to become a medical doctor?” Her response was, “No, but they seem so happy. Meanwhile, I’m here, uncertain about the trajectory of my professional life. It feels like they’re ahead of me, and my life is not t progressing as expected.”

Drawing from my experiences, I shared stories from my journey to encourage her. Over the past two years since our conversation, she has achieved remarkable success, much to my admiration. Presently, she’s working with one of the world’s top management consulting firms and is close to completing her self-funded master’s degree. She’s putting in a tremendous amount of work, and she truly deserves all her achievements.

Reflecting on her achievements, I am tempted to ask her during our next meeting if it is legitimate for her classmates, who are still unemployed or have not attained what she has, to be envious of her.

Now, let us delve into the intricate topic of envy.

Let’s talk about ENVY

“Humans are pained at the sight of other men’s good fortune stirred by “those who have what we ought to have” (Aristotle).

Envy, one of the most common emotions, tends to sneak into our minds when we come across others’ traits, statuses, abilities, or situations, particularly among those we know well. Envy involves desiring what someone else possesses or yearning to be in their position, sometimes even believing we deserve what they have. Envious people are offended by the success, contentment, or accomplishments of others. Ironically, they might hinder their progress to prevent those they envy from thriving. Ultimately, envy is harmful to both the envious and the envied.

Envy has existed since the days of Adam and Eve, but social media and consumerism have amplified it to epidemic proportions. With people showcasing their best lives online, we’re often compelled to compare ourselves, sometimes leading to feelings of depression.

From the constant flood of congratulatory messages on LinkedIn to the unceasing Instagram notifications of meticulously crafted photos and reels, escaping these triggers is challenging.

Envy spans various facets of our lives, including careers, relationships, marriage, and parenthood. We encounter career envy, marriage envy, body envy, and more.

Envy manifests in two forms. A person with benign envy aspires to be better than or to have something akin to what they are envious of. For instance, seeking the latest electronic gadget because a friend has it showcases benign envy.

Malicious envy, on the other hand, compels the envier to harm or eliminate the object of their envy. The story of Joseph and his brothers from Genesis 37 illustrates malicious envy. The love and gift Joseph received stirred up envy in his brothers, leading them to plot his death and eventually sell him as a slave.

Interestingly, envy is categorised as one of the seven deadly sins. It is also the last of the Ten Commandments: “covetousness.”

Envy is a dangerous emotion that can cause unhappiness.

Coping with Envy

Embrace Acceptance and Humility:

Acknowledging that certain individuals possess superior qualities or achievements fosters much-needed humility. Paradoxically, this understanding reinforces our significance.

Recognise that although we might not be where we desire, we aren’t in a worse position. Life isn’t a race or competition with others. Instead, we should focus on our progress. Are we giving our best effort? Is our best sufficient? These are the questions that warrant our consideration.

Some people we envy will succeed, and others will seemingly have an easier journey. Those we care about may occasionally outperform us, and our younger siblings may outshine us. Our focus should shift from fixating on results to relishing the journey. Gracefully accepting situations where others outperform us is crucial, just as we’d expect if we were the ones achieving success.

Cultivate a Positive Self-Concept

When we deeply appreciate our unique qualities, successes, and potential, we develop self-assurance that shields us from envious feelings. Consequently, we aren’t swayed by the apparent early successes of acquaintances such as classmates, colleagues, friends, and family.

As we reflect on our journeys and count our blessings, the desire to covet diminishes. Our internal compass, our sense of self-worth, guides us away from the quagmire of comparison and towards the empowerment of self-growth and genuine self-esteem.

Draw Inspiration from Others’ Success:

Gary Vaynerchuk wisely said, “I believe you build the tallest building in town by building it, not by tearing down other people’s buildings.” This serves as a reminder to concentrate on our personal growth rather than comparing and scheming against others. While envy might tempt us, we can choose to view others’ lives as sources of inspiration for our growth. By tapping into their motivation and cultivating strong work ethics, we can develop skills that match the accomplishments of those who have succeeded through merit.

Why envy those whom you perceive as well-connected and privileged when you can redirect that energy to build your networks, foster a positive attitude, and add value to those around you?

Remember, envy is a common emotion, but we have the power to channel the energy we invest in envy and negativity toward more constructive pursuits.

Final words

Consider this: Would you take pleasure in knowing your friends envy your hard-earned accomplishments? If not, then it’s imperative not to indulge in such envy ourselves.

Throughout our lives, we may find ourselves envious of others, especially those close to us. While this feeling is difficult to admit and even harder to overcome, navigating it is possible.

Let’s reject envy by embracing our journeys, fostering goodwill towards ourselves and others, appreciating others’ accomplishments, and maximizing our potential. The path to self-improvement begins with letting go of envy and nurturing gratitude.