Yes, you! Stop giving.
Wait – isn’t giving good? It’s a universal principle, after all. But there are two things you should stop giving immediately. Not money. Not kindness. But something far more costly: your mental energy.
One: Stop Giving a F*ck About People’s Opinions
Marcus Aurelius said, “You always own the option of having no opinion. There is no need to get worked up or trouble your soul about things you can’t control. These things are not asking to be judged by you. Leave them alone.”
Yes, leave them alone. The opinions others hold of you, the opinions you hold of them, and your judgments about events around you—leave them alone.
We Live in the Age of Everyone’s Opinion
We live in a time when everyone has something to say about everything. Online in-laws are ready to take sides. Political and religious warriors are ready to attack. Pocket lawyers defending all forms of nonsense. Benchless judges pronouncing unenforceable judgments. Online elders dispensing unsolicited wisdom. Virtual family heads. Wireless advisors.
Social media platforms compete for our attention, and with so much happening around us, we’re tempted to hold opinions – and worse, express them for likes and validation.
KASA Y3 MFRAMA – This Akan proverb translates to “talk is cheap.” It’s easier to share your opinion about something, especially when you have no real understanding of it.
The Superpower of Holding No Opinion
In these times when everyone has a say about everything, holding no opinion is a superpower.
You can have as many opinions as you like, but the moment you declare them, you’re held to them. Cultivate the habit of holding informed opinions—and only when you intend to act.
Holding no opinion allows us to see things as they are, without the distortion of ego, dogma, or emotional investment.
As Bill Bullard puts it: “Opinion is the lowest form of human knowledge. It requires no accountability, no understanding.”
Opinions are often shaped by dogma (religion, culture), entitlements, expectations, and ignorance. They’re like noses—everybody’s got one, and some smell badly too.
The Antidote: Self-Knowledge
Self-knowledge makes the opinions of others hold less weight. Without your acknowledgement, people’s opinions are powerless. People have a right to their opinions, and you have a right to ignore them.
Don’t allow personal comments or people’s opinions to touch you on an emotional level where you begin to question your being. Learn to listen to opinions with detached interest. When you get emotional and insecure about opinions, you empower those words, and they register in your subconscious.
We all have correctable things about us that we’re too close to see in ourselves. Remember: you can’t see the full picture when you’re inside the frame. But we know ourselves better than anyone else can. Why then do we prioritise their opinions over our own?
When someone shares a negative opinion about you, respond with clinical interest instead of emotion. Ask like a good student: “And how did you come to this conclusion? What facts did you use to reach it?” You know they have none, and they know it too.
What someone says about you reveals more about them than it ever can about you. It’s a window into their character, not yours.
Two: Stop Giving Unsolicited Advice
Who asked for it?
Except in emergency or risky situations, giving unsolicited advice may not be received in good faith, regardless of your intentions.
Why? Offering unsolicited advice can come across as assuming you know better than the person you’re advising. This can be seen as disrespectful or condescending.
They want to shove their opinions down your throat, hook, line, and sinker, and expect you to take it by hook or by crook. They’re generous enough to offer advice they’re not willing to take themselves.
The average person is quick to latch onto negative news and share their “wisdom” about it. Don’t be that person.
If you develop a negative opinion of someone, keep it to yourself. Remember, it’s your opinion, not an established fact or truth. Don’t shove your opinions down people’s throats. Not everyone has the mental fortitude to withstand the effects of strong opinions.
The Path to Inner Peace: Finding Your True Self
All it takes is finding your true self, which exists inside of you and has nothing to do with the outside world and people’s opinions.
Recognise who you are in total – the good and the bad. Take full possession and responsibility for who you are and what you are as a person. It doesn’t matter what others did to you that contributed to who you are now; blame can be assigned, but it changes nothing.
Accept all you are. Embrace all you are. Actually become that person.
When you achieve this, you’ll no longer look outside yourself for affirmation. You won’t be concerned with “fitting in” because you won’t have the need. You’ll become confident in a way unlike anything you’ve felt before. Your path becomes clear, and you’ll naturally start fixing the bad and strengthening the good about you.
Once you know who you really are, being is enough. You feel neither inferior nor superior to anyone, and you do not need approval because you’ve awakened to your own infinite worth.
We don’t have the power to control what others choose to do, think, or say, so investing emotional energy in it is a bad investment. It only causes loss.
Daily Reminders
- You always own the option of having no opinion
- Don’t take anything personally
- Listen to opinions with detached interest
- Keep negative opinions to yourself
- Know your worth and stop giving discounts
- You only get what you dare to demand
Life is like a blank check with only a signature. You decide how to live it by what you fill in on the dotted line. You are responsible for the value you put on your life. You shall be bought at the price you set for yourself.
Always remain true to the person you know yourself to be.
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